love/hate relationship.

part of me adores christmas. all of the joy and gifts and family-ness.

but there is also a HUGE chunk of me that hates christmas with a passion.

it's fucking stressful.

christmas is like five days away.

i've bought one present. an amazing, special present for my mom that was handmade and supposedly shipped over a week ago, but still hasn't arrived. and now i'm freaking out that it may not get here in time.

i have NO idea what to get for my stepdad. my mom suggested car dollies. yeah, right. he may want them, but i'm not buying john little mini ramps to drive his car on.

the siblings are easy. gift cards are an amazing thing. larissa and booger, there is a 99.9% chance that you will never see this page. but if, for some crazy reason, you're creeping on my blog, i'm sorry i just ruined christmas.

daddy is easy. gift certificate for bowling at paradise. i gave him a gift certificate for westside lanes in olympia several years ago, and it's still chilling on his refrigerator. because we never go to olympia. but paradise is halfway between our houses and we were there just a couple of weeks ago, so i think it's safe to say that it will get used. bowling is our bond.

fuck barb and her kids. she's psycho, and she won't be my stepmom for much longer, so she's not getting anything from me. speaking of her, i need to pick up the crock pot she bought for me from my dad's house before she takes off with it when she finishes moving out. call me selfish, but i at least want something from her before she leaves. she owes me for all the shit she's put me through the last ten years. a crock pot doesn't make up for therapy and being on prozac at age 13, but it's better than nothing.

i also have to find a gift for tamara, who's name i drew in the gift exchange at work. wtf ... every single other coworker has pretty much taken up stock with starbucks, they drink it so much. a gift card would be an easy gift, but no ... i get the one person who doesn't "do" starbucks. eff my life. maybe she'll enjoy the lovely hot cocoa set i got on sale at stupid prices? i bought it for a backup present in case i forgot anyone in my family. but i suppose it would do.

okay, enough ranting. i hate being stressed.

thank god tomorrow is my friday.

but then i have to go christmas shopping after work. most likely by myself, since i live so far away from my friends that no one wants to brave the snow to come to puyallup and shop with me.

shit.

i hate christmas.

i'm stressing myself out thinking about it.

i need to go to bed. there's no stress when you're unconscious.

end-of-the-year awards.

1) DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR?
char.

2) LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend) -
christa. it's been like eight years.

3) NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?
anne.

4) HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
getting a new job and moving to puyallup.
or the world championship show in texas.

5) LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
dealing with the daddy drama.

6) BAND FOR 2008?
jonas or boys like girls.

7) SONG FOR 2008?
ummmm. probably "burnin' up" - that was my summer anthem.

8) MOVIE FOR 2008?
there were quite a few good ones.
but i'm going to go with "stepbrothers".

9) BOOK FOR 2008?
TWILIGHT!

10) WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
no one.

11) ALL AROUND GREAT FRIEND TO HAVE
christa.

12) WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN?
nothing. i was sick. :[

13) RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
BJ's.

14) BEST KISS OF THE YEAR?
wouldn't you like to know? ;]

15) BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
to move to puyallup.

16) WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?
keep doing the same thing.
hopefully be successful.

17) MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
i didn't really have a stupid idea.
because i didn't get drunk.


18) TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
gossip girl.
or american idol.

19) MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
christa.

20) BIGGEST CHANGE OF THE YEAR?
moving to puyallup.

21) BIGGEST douchbag AWARD?
haha. her name starts with an "a".

22) NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
lose weight.

"gimme more" week two.

So I'm a little late with this, but oh well. It's a miracle that I'm doing it at all. Because I have a hard time with sticking to things once I start them.

1. MARTIN JOHNSON, lead singer of Boys Like Girls.



I fucking adore this guy. He's for sure on my top five list of people I want to meet. I'd kill to hang out with him for a day - he seems like a bag full of fun.

Natali got me hooked on Boys Like Girls (just like she's gotten me hooked on everything else ... just wait, crack is probably next), and now I freaking love them. I've seen them twice in concert ... once back in July and again two weeks ago. Not only is Martin insanely hot, but he's also talented beyond belief. His singing and songwriting skills ... oh man.

He's also entertaining as hell. Exhibit A: martinsays.com. Freaking hilarious. Also, I just bought the Boys Like Girls rockumentary DVD, and it's amazing. When Matin fell and busted his arm on some Seattle sidewalk when he was giving John a ride on his back ... classic.


2. Folie A Deux.




I was lucky enough to get Fall Out Boy's new CD a couple of weeks before it came out, and it's been playing nonstop since then. It's incredible. I thought their last album was awesome, but this one is ten times better. Their sound keeps changing, but in a good way.

The best tracks:
- Tiffany Blews. Current favorite song. ("Oh, baby you're a classic like a little black dress//But you'll be faded soon, stuck on a little hot mess")
- Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet.
- America's Suitehearts.
- What A Catch, Donnie. The ending is amazing. Different people sing Fall Out Boy covers in the background. Panic At The Disco, The Academy Is, The Cab, etc.


3. BJ'S RESTAURANT AND BREWERY.



This new restaurant opened in Tacoma a couple of months ago, and it's amazing. I've been there like five times in the past three weeks. It's mine and Anne's "place". It's huge and gorgeous and they have an awesome bar. And the best fettucini alfredo I've ever had.

BJ's is amazing. That's really all there is to say.


4. "STEPBROTHERS".



Pretty much the most hilarious movie ever.

- "I'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you!"
- "Holy Fucking Santa Claus Shit!"
- "You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it's like Fergie meets Jesus."
- "I want to roll you up in a ball and stick you in my vagina. And whenever I feel a little tickle, I'll know it's just your hair."

Need I say more??


5. MY FAVORITE HIGHWAY.





So there's this awesome girl (Heygirlheyyyy, Ash!) who got me hooked on this band. I absolutely adore their music, but "Entertain the Pain" is by far my favorite song by them. Looooove it.

Plus, these guys are pretty entertaining. Yes, Dave, Joe's eyebrows ARE magical.



That's all she wrote, folks.

Since Christmas is a week away (HOLY SHIT!), I'll end this with a lovely performance (no, really, it's actually pretty good) of the Jonas Brothers singing "Girl Of My Dreams". Even though Joe is wearing a plaid jacket, I'd still sex the hell out of him. I think I have issues.

oh, the weather outside is frightful.

it snowed!

normally i hate snow, but it's not so bad when you don't have to drive in it. i was brave enough to drive up the street tonight to go to walmart (literally, it's like two blocks away), and i obviously didn't die. so that's good. i did almost eat it in the parking lot, though. i'm not exactly the most graceful person.

i'm pretty much bored out of my mind. no one wants to drive because of the weather, and to be honest, i don't really either. so i'm stuck here at home by myself. not fun.

kira and i had a movie day earlier today. i'm so incredibly glad that she and i are friends again. our fight was the most rediculous, immature thing ever, and i'm so happy that we made up. she's one of my very best friends, and i love her to death. we're so much alike it's scary. she's my twin. plus, she's pretty much my one close friend that can drink. :] except i wish yelm was closer to puyallup. that way i could see her more often.

barb is actually moving out of my dad's house. i never thought i would see that happen. this is like the fourth time in the last two years that my dad has said that he's done with her, but every other time he would take her back. but it really seems like their relationship is over this time. she flipping went crazy. she won't even let my dad be at the house while she's moving her stuff out. like, literally the other day she kicked him out of the house for two hours because she didn't want to see him. it's so pathetic. i hate to see my dad hurting. and i know he's hurting, even though he does a good job at covering it. i just want the dad back that i had before this whole barb ordeal. i miss my old dad. i want to be my daddy's girl again.

still no exciting events on the boy front. i'm really beginning to think that something about me repels every single guy on the planet. i've been single for SO long ... almost three years. i'm ready for a relationship. i just can't seem to find a guy that's ready for someone like me. maybe it's because i'm too picky. but i'm not about to lower my standards and accept less than i want, less than i deserve.

where on earth has this year gone? it dawned on me today that in less than three weeks, it will be 2009. this year has gone by so fast, it's insane. but so much has happened. some good, some bad. i moved to olympia. went to the world championship show in texas. had a falling out with my roommate. got a new job. moved to a beautiful new place in puyallup. made some awesome new friends. and had a blast with my old friends, as always. it's been an amazing ride.

i'm so stoked for christmas. except for the fact that my mom is the only person that i've bought a gift for. but everyone else is pretty easy. i'm a huge fan of gift cards. i still don't know what the christmas plan is ... something small, i assume. larissa's not coming - she and alex are staying in idaho. i think russell is coming home from central, but i'm not sure. even so, i know it'll be a blast. christmas is my favorite holiday.

okay, i think that's enough rambling for tonight. i bought boys like girls' dvd, so i have that to watch. plus, i need to think of a few things for my "gimme more" list ... maybe i'll do that now.

and part of me really wants to make brandyn go outside and make a snowman with me when he gets home. we'll see if i'm successful.

"the jonas brothers murdered an elderly woman."

i must admit, this is probably the funniest thing ever. i feel horrible for saying that, but just watch. i'm sure you'll agree.



admit it. you laughed.

because this is funny shit.

jimmy kimmel is my hero.

the end.

"gimme more". week one.

So based on a similar idea that a couple of my friends had, I've decided to do a weekly "Gimme More" list. It's a list of things that I'm pretty much in love with at the moment. Hopefully this will remind me to update this blog more often. :)

1. "If U Seek Amy" by Britney Spears.



It's Britney, bitch. I was lucky enough to get BritBrit's new CD a couple of weeks early, and since the moment I first heard this song, I thought it was catchy. I instantly liked it. It wasn't until yesterday that I discovered the hidden message in it, thanks to TMZ. The way Britney sings the line "if you seek Amy" it sounds just like "F-U-C-K me". Which now makes the lyrics that made absolutely NO sense before, well ... make perfect sense. Oh, BritBrit, how I heart you and your dirty hidden messages.

2. Blackberry Storm.



I bought my new Crackberry about a week and a half ago, and I'm still waiting for it to ship. BUT I got to play with one in the Verizon store, and let me tell you ... this thing is amazing. Unlike my current LG Voyager, the screen actually really clicks. You can highlight things before you select them, and you can feel the screen click when you press down. It's hard to describe, but it's awesome. All I've ever owned is LG phones ... in the past three years, I've gone through SEVEN different models. Some of them were upgrades, and a couple were accidental deaths. Haha. But I really want to have a 3G phone since I'm an internet whore. Let me tell you ... I cannot WAIT to get this phone.

3. David Cook's new American Idol commercial.



That video gives me goosebumps galore. Everytime I watch it. It's incredible. It's hard to believe that less than a year ago, he was a complete nobody, and now he's the current American Idol and has an AMAZING album out. No joke, I've had his CD on repeat sinec it came out. I even bought more than one copy so I could get all of the bonus tracks. David Cook is just amazing. Plus, he freaking kicked ass on Ellen today. :)

4. Twilight - the movie.



This was probably the corniest, cheesiest, most awkward movie I have ever seen. A lot of the movie caused the audience to laugh, most of the time at things that I don't think were intended to be funny.

But regardless, I absolutely loved it. Parts of it were really good, and the song that is used in the baseball scene is the ringtone on my cell. The first time I saw it was the midnight showing on opening night, and we ended up sitting in the front row. There was a girl on the other side of one of my friends that I thought was going to get shanked. She kept screaming constantly, and I thought she was either going to A) piss herself or B) cum in her pants. It was rediculous. That first night was bad; we were so close to the screen it made us dizzy, plus we had to deal with the shrieking preteen. But the other times I saw it (yes, I admit, I saw it four times) it was better. Still corny and awkward, but better.

And you can bet that I'll buy it the day it comes out on DVD.

5. The Jonas Brothers interview on Jay Leno and performance of "BB Good" on Jimmy Kimmel.





I'll be the first to admit that the Jonas Brothers sucked royally during their halftime performance at the Seahawks/Cowboys game on Thanksgiving. I thought Nick was going to pass out; he couldn't sing half the words to "Burnin' Up" because he was breathing so hard. Maybe the 81239472934 cheerleaders that were on the stage with him got him all excited. But seriously ... the Jonai sucked almost as bad as my Seahawks did. A that was a lot.

JB has never been known for their outstanding vocal abilities during live shows. But their performace of "BB Good" on the Jimmy Kimmel show was awesome. Shocked the hell out of me. It was super, super good. Don't get me wrong, they aren't on the same level as David Cook, but I was pleasantly surprised by their performance.

And their interview on Leno ... hearing Nick and Joe talk about Kevin being sexy (lyke, omgzzz, they said the word "sexy"!) around the 3:00 mark was just about the funniest/most awkward thing ever. Well, second most awkward only to the fan-blowing Biology scene in Twilight. Plus, Joe's epic fail at stand-up comedy was pretty darn cute, too.

Also, it looks like Joseph has grown fond of the ugly pocket on his t-shirts. Because it appears that since the shirt on Kimmel didn't have one, he took the liberty of drawing it on with a sharpie. ;)



Alrighty, folks. That's all I've got for the first edition of "Gimme More".

This post has been approved by I-Wanna-Shank-A-Bitch-While-Wearing-Grandpa-Pants Nick Jonas:



This could also be I-Want-To-Kill-My-Purity-Ring-Because-I-See-Boobs-And-Not-Preteen-Boobs-But-Hot-Cheerleader-Boobs Nick Jonas. Take your pick.

my christmas list.

So yesterday my mom told me that i need to come up with a Christmas list. Here goes.

- An Acura TL. White, please.
- Joe Jonas. If he's not available, then I'll take David Cook. Oh, heck, I'll take both Joe and David. Camilla and Kimberly can suck it.
- Blackberry Storm. It's on it's way. Yay!
- A John Carlson jersey. Because he's awesome.
- Vacuum cleaner.
- Airplane tickets to Florida. Heck, how about the whole Disneyworld package, too?
- Webcam.
- Seahawks tickets.
- iTunes gift card.
- My two front teeth. Got those already!
- Coach purse. One that's not fake.
- Season one of "House" on DVD.
- For the Jonas Brothers to NOT co-produce Honor Society's CD.
- George Foreman grill.
- "Apples to Apples" board game.
- "Stepbrothers" on DVD.
- A nose job. Maybe some lipo, too.
- Big & Rich's Super Galactic Fan Pack, Volume Two.
- Green Converse. Size ginormous.

"turkey for me, turkey for you."

"...Let's eat the turkey in my big brown shoe." Oh, Adam Sandler, you created a classic with that song.

So it's 2am on Thanksgiving morning. And I can't sleep.

I haven't updated this in over a month, so I figured there's nothing better I could do with my time.

This year has gone by so fast. It's unbelieveable. It literally seems like just yesterday that I was celebrating New Year's Eve at Kory's house.

I've had a few rough patches this year ... roommate drama. My dad and Barb separating, then getting back together. And then separating again.

But for every bad thing or stressful thing that has happened, ten good things have come my way. I feel so lucky and blessed. I have an amazing job, an awesome apartment (with no psycho roomies!) and the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

The only thing I'm lacking in is the boyfriend department, but I guess I can't have everything. I'm content with how life is right now. I can't complain. I've been dealt a great hand.

I'm so incredibly thankful for everything I have, and for everything I've ever had. I used to take a lot of things in my life for granted. I know I was spoiled rotten, especially by my Nana. But I know she only did it because she loved me. I wish I hadn't taken my time with her for granted, because I didn't know that she would be taken from this world too soon. But I'm thankful for the seventeen years that she was in my life.

I'm thankful for my crazy mother, who I consider my best friend. I'm no longer jealous of her accomplishments - I'm just so incredibly proud of her. She's the best mom on the planet, and I love her to death. Even though she did pass on the impulse-buying gene to me. Although I've got to give her credit for her latest purchase ... a 40-foot horse trailer with a walk-in closet and a flat screen tv is pretty fricking awesome.

I'm thankful for my dad, and I'm glad that he's finally realizing that he doesn't have to put up with all of the shit that he's put up with for so long. I'm glad that he can stand up for himself and make his own decisions. I just want him to be happy, and I know he will be eventually. After almost losing him seven years ago, I'm just glad to have him in my life.

I'm thankful for every single thing I have, for everything I've ever worked for. I'm thankful that I've made the decisions I have.

I'm simply thankful for everything.

Happy Turkey Day. And may the Seahawks suck less today and beat the Cowboys. :]

i freaking love halloween.

BEST. MOMENT. EVERRRR.

Cop #1 [to Dispatcher]: I'll be out with a green Teletubby smoking in front of the Liberty.
Dispatcher [to Cop]: Copy, out with a green Teletubby in front of the Liberty.
Cop #2 [to Dispatcher]: I can't beat the Teletubby thing, but I'm out of service.

About ten minutes pass. During this time, Cop #1 goes up to the green Teletubby and shakes his hand to tell him how awesome he is. Teletubby's drunk friends take a picture of their equally drunk, costumed friend in front of the patrol car. Cop #1 and I leave, and Cop #1 makes a comment in the call about how the Teletubby was smoking a cigarette and how "beautiful" the whole thing was.

Cop #1 [to Dispatcher]: Clear, MDC.
Dispatcher [to Cop]: Copy, clear the Teletubby.

guess what? it's gonna be me.

i'm so incredibly bored. i got off work an hour ago, and instead of sleeping, i'm watching old *nsync videos. yes, i'm really that bored. "it's gonna be me" is pretty much the best video ever, btw.

i got off work an hour ago, after working since 10pm. so why am i not sleeping, you ask? ugh. the main reason is because i'm waiting for 7:30 to roll around so i can call the power company about the bill i received. a $40 electric bill wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't a $140 first-time customer deposit fee tacked on. wtf. i had the same energy company at my old apartment. the garbage company is jerking me around too - i've been waiting for a bill to arrive in the mail, and yesterday i got a notice that my account is past due and that i owe $97, and that it's going to collections if i don't pay up before the 29th. wtf, mate. i only moved in three weeks ago. so i'm thinking that the tenant before me had a past-due account. i swear, i have a bullseye on me this week as far as bills go.

on the other hand, everything else is going really well. work is great. we had a first-alarm fire this morning that was pretty crazy ... a second reason why i'm jacked up and so awake. a small vet hospital caught on fire and is pretty much a total loss - it was fully involved when we got the call. luckily, no people or animals were inside. i'm starting to like the graveyard shift, but i wish that the radio traffic and calls didn't come to a stand-still around 2am every night. well, minus the rollover accident last night and the fire this morning. every other night this week has been DEADDDDD. i've started working on the police radio this week, and tonight was my second night working it. i've only messed up on a couple of things - the first night, i goobered the time twice. but tonight i had no errors and my speed is really improving. i have experience on the other end of the radio from when i was a cadet, but i never realized the amount of work that the dispatchers were doing on the other end. even for a simple traffic stop, you have to make sure you hear the location and license plate correctly, typing in a flurry of codes at the same time, then repeat the location and time back to the officer. then you have to sift through all of the returns from the plate and attach different information to the call. it's crazy. but i'm getting better at it every night. the other two dispatchers even complimented me tonight, telling me how well i was doing, that i was a natural. it felt really good to hear that. :]

i put in for my first vacation for next year - as a dispatcher i have to work holidays and such, so we get a bank of holidays at the beginning of the year to apply toward a vacations. so my first vacation slot is april 24th to may 11th. that way i have my birthday off. i think, if things work out, i'm going to go on a cruise. i've never been before, and i've always wanted to. there's a 7-day cruise to the mexican riviera that i'd love to go on that leaves april 25th, which means that i'd celebrate my birthday on the ship on the 28th. which would be a freaking BLAST. i'm hoping christa can go with me ... going on a cruise with the bestie would be awesommmmme.

7:30's here ... gotta go have a nice chat with the power company. then it's off to bed. if i can sleep. if not, i'm cracking open "breaking dawn" ... i'm halfway through, and it's INCREDIBLE. i'll be sad when i'm done reading it, though. at least i have the movie to look forward to in a month! :]

okay, in the words of *nsync ... "bye bye bye!"

movin' on up.

after nearly a week, i FINALLY finished setting my apartment up. and i love it. it's so me. i don't have too much time, but i wanted to post some pictures:

hotel california.

oh man, i wish i was in california right now. but i AM at a hotel. taking a break from studying. this whole week i've been in burien/seatac for a dispatcher class, and tomorrow is the last day. complete with an exam. lovely.

i'm starving and i can't decide what to have for dinner. decisions, decisions.

one week until i move ... yay! i can't wait! not only is it going to be awesome living so close to work, i'm also excited to live by myself. i can't wait to decorate how i want to decorate, and to have a garage to park my car in. it's the little things i'm looking forward to the most. :]

okay, i've got to cut this short - there's more studying to be done.

ugh.

"nick's all good with the cougars" ...

BAHAHAHAHAHA. joe posers rock. [especially when they're your friends! lol]

best. convo. in. history.


xoxo shameless (6:58:35 PM): OMGZZZZZZ! JOE I LOVE YOUUUUUU! MARRY ME?!?!?!?!?!?!
joefosho (7:01:05 PM): sure.
joefosho (7:01:09 PM): wedding in fiji?
xoxo shameless (7:01:15 PM): helllls yes.
joefosho (7:01:26 PM): oh shoot.
joefosho (7:01:27 PM): sorry.
xoxo shameless (7:01:28 PM): YAYYYYYY!
xoxo shameless (7:01:33 PM): wtf, joe.
xoxo shameless (7:01:37 PM): don't kid like that.
joefosho (7:01:48 PM): prior arrangements with this chick named taylor. we're getting married in tuscany.
xoxo shameless (7:01:54 PM): screw taylor.
xoxo shameless (7:02:07 PM): let's go live in utah. polygamy is hot there.
joefosho (7:02:34 PM): no. i'd rather do taylor for the rest of my life. she's everything in need. and more.
xoxo shameless (7:02:36 PM): see? win-win situation.
xoxo shameless (7:02:39 PM): wtf.
xoxo shameless (7:02:41 PM): i hate you joe.
joefosho (7:02:53 PM): i love you. who are you tho?
xoxo shameless (7:02:54 PM): you can take your purity ring and shove it up your ass.
joefosho (7:03:10 PM): that would be rather uncomfortable.
xoxo shameless (7:03:17 PM): that's the point.
xoxo shameless (7:03:28 PM): i'm russell brand, beeyotch.
joefosho (7:03:28 PM): nah. i'll keep it on my finger until taylor takes it off.
xoxo shameless (7:03:31 PM): bahaha.
joefosho (7:03:41 PM): oh no you don't, russel brand!
xoxo shameless (7:03:46 PM): is she gonna eat it off your hand like chelsea handler?
xoxo shameless (7:03:48 PM): that's hot.
joefosho (7:04:13 PM): no. she'll throw it across the room, then jump me and rip off my clothes. i don't mind.
xoxo shameless (7:04:37 PM): well shat. how does nick feel about older women?
xoxo shameless (7:04:42 PM): he's not a nark, is he?
xoxo shameless (7:04:46 PM): i don't want to go to jail.
joefosho (7:05:07 PM): nick's all good with the cougars.
xoxo shameless (7:05:25 PM): sweeeeeeet. hook me up with some of that, then.
joefosho (7:05:39 PM): it's a deal. double wedding?
xoxo shameless (7:05:43 PM): f'sho.
joefosho (7:06:06 PM): cool. i'll brb, taylor wants a make-out sesh.
xoxo shameless (7:06:08 PM): tell nick that somewhere in his vows he has to belt out "for you baby".
xoxo shameless (7:06:10 PM): wtf, joe.
xoxo shameless (7:06:20 PM): send nick my way now then.
xoxo shameless (7:06:27 PM): put him in the mail.
joefosho (7:06:30 PM): YOOO it's nick. takin' over joe's IM
xoxo shameless (7:06:32 PM): fed-ex his ass here.
xoxo shameless (7:06:39 PM): well helloooooo, honey.
joefosho (7:06:47 PM): hey babe. i hear you're older
xoxo shameless (7:06:55 PM): damn straight.
joefosho (7:06:55 PM): i'll do anything "for you, babyyy"
xoxo shameless (7:07:04 PM): ohhh man.
xoxo shameless (7:07:20 PM): nick, you drive me crazy with that just-post-puberty voice of yours.
joefosho (7:07:38 PM): thanks... i try to make it break as much as possible.... hence "sorry".
xoxo shameless (7:07:51 PM): and "can't have you" ...
xoxo shameless (7:07:56 PM): but you CAN have ME, beh beh.
joefosho (7:08:00 PM): ...and "a little bit longer."
xoxo shameless (7:08:01 PM): mhmmm.
joefosho (7:08:08 PM): oh i'll HAVE you... no purity ring necessary.
xoxo shameless (7:08:10 PM): ... and like, every other song.
joefosho (7:08:14 PM): basically.
xoxo shameless (7:08:23 PM): snaps ... i like you better than your brother already.
xoxo shameless (7:08:36 PM): you're easy-peasy, darlin'.
joefosho (7:08:46 PM): babe. i'm only easy for you.
joefosho (7:08:59 PM): joe's just tough to crack cuz he's all over that taylor chick,
xoxo shameless (7:09:09 PM): well, she's hot. it's understandable.
joefosho (7:09:27 PM): yeah. not gonna lie. she's gorgeous. but i donno if joe would let me get in on that action.
xoxo shameless (7:09:33 PM): wtf, nick.
xoxo shameless (7:09:39 PM): that's not very nice.
joefosho (7:09:46 PM): which is why i have you.
xoxo shameless (7:10:11 PM): pshh. and three years older is nothing. go big or go home ... six years your senior is just what you need.
joefosho (7:10:29 PM): you're right, baby, you're right. i'm all yours. who's taylor?
xoxo shameless (7:10:39 PM): exactly. love you, beh beh.
joefosho (7:10:49 PM): love you too.
joefosho (7:10:52 PM): oh shiz. joe's back.
joefosho (7:11:01 PM): YOOO DANJA IN DA HOUSEEE.
xoxo shameless (7:11:04 PM): CALL ME!
joefosho (7:11:05 PM): taylor was awesome =)
xoxo shameless (7:11:09 PM): oh snaps, i'm late.
xoxo shameless (7:11:18 PM): don't rub it in, joe.
xoxo shameless (7:11:21 PM): not nice.
joefosho (7:11:21 PM): i told him to call u... he said he would.
xoxo shameless (7:11:24 PM): sweeeet.
joefosho (7:11:31 PM): fine, but...
joefosho (7:11:35 PM): you know who i will rub?
joefosho (7:11:36 PM): taylor.
xoxo shameless (7:11:40 PM): ewww.
xoxo shameless (7:11:46 PM): tmi.
joefosho (7:11:57 PM): is the cougar jealous?
xoxo shameless (7:12:16 PM): fine. you go do that, and i'll go ... kiss my nick poster.
xoxo shameless (7:12:18 PM): take that!
joefosho (7:12:36 PM): don't cut ur lips on it tho... papercuts suck.
xoxo shameless (7:12:42 PM): trust me, i know.
xoxo shameless (7:12:43 PM): :/
xoxo shameless (7:12:54 PM): aight, paper-nick awaits.
joefosho (7:12:57 PM): my turn to say...
joefosho (7:12:58 PM): tmi.
xoxo shameless (7:12:59 PM): peace out, dangaaaaa.
joefosho (7:13:04 PM): PEACE, YO.
xoxo shameless (7:13:25 PM): <3

survey says ...

1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT? Back of my hand. Killer toaster oven. Or the new one on my ear. My straightener tried to eat it. My ear, that is.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? A bunch of posters. Movie ones ['Smokin Aces', 'The Holiday'], JB ones. A bunch of pictures.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP? None of the above.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? Anything. Mainly rock and country.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 5:16pm.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW? To move. I want to be in my new place.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS? Certain people.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)? My two state championship ribbons. Proof that hard work really does pay off.

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU? 5'7".

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? Not really.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK? A little bit.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY? I can't remember the last time I cried.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOGNE FOR A GUY? Agua di Gio by Georgio Armani. Yummm.

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Dark hair, blue or green eyes.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO? No idea.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK? Energy drink.

17. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING? Pepperoni and olives.

18. IF YOU CAN EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE? Macaroni and cheese. Sounds so good.

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH? The cracker kind. Haha.

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECIEVED? I don't know.

22. DO YOU LIKE ANYBODY? Not really.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED? Nope.

24. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND? Ummm. I don't know. Ed Hardy, maybe.

25. FAVORITE BAND? Honor Societyyyy. <3

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW? Two horses. Cici and Callie.

27. WHAT KIND IS IT? Horse. Haha.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? I don't think that's something that can really be controlled.

29. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? Just straight up tell them. Don't beat around the bush.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: Nine.

31. BLONDES OR BRUNETTES? Brunette. :]

32. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL MOST OFTEN? Mommy.

33. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? Bad drivers.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA? Yes. Mexico and Canada.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES? Dessert.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS? Bret Boone. Hahahaha.

37. FIRST JOB? Waystation Ranch.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? In like middle school.

39. FAVORITE DISNEY MOVIE? Ummmm. The Little Mermaid. Nooo, it's NOT Camp Rock. Haha.

40. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING ON YOUR FEET? Chucks.

41. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE FILLING THIS OUT? A whole lot of nothing.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST? Eyes. Lately hair.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES? Yes. I'm a walking orthodontic ad. Four years of braces, three types of retainers, one permanent, a night guard, head gear ... yeah.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY? A motorcycle with a sidecar. No ... I have no idea.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT? Two.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope. However, I'm convinced that if I had been a boy, I would still have the same exact name. Only it would be Aaron Lee instead of Erin Leigh.

47. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? Sometimes.

48. DAVID COOK OR DAVID ARCHULETA? Oh man, Cookie for sure. <3

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE? Pantene.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sometimes.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Honey ham.

52. ANY BAD HABITS? Bite my nails.

53 WHAT CD ARE YOU MOST EMBARRASSED TO HAVE ON YOUR SHELF? Ummm. Probably the High School Musical soundtrack. Haha.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Hells yeah. I'm awesome. :]

55. FAVORITE FOOTBALL TEAM? Seahawks. Duh.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER? To an extent.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER? Listen to music and just chill.

58. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME? Christa's. But I don't go over there a whole lot anymore.

59. FAVORITE ADAM SANDLER MOVIE? Happy Gilmore.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? Ummm. Those Nano Pet things. Haha.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE? A ton. Like, over 200.

62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A KID? Yes. Loved him.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM? No, never. Haha.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE? Mac and cheese, please.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL? Humor, trust, maturity. And he has to be cute, not hot. :]

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES? Schooly, Er-Head.

67. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? Stargazer lily.

68. WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TV SHOW? Gossip Girl, CSI, Grey's Anatomy.

69. WHAT WAS YOUR ACT SAT SCORE? Didn't take it.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Gold Medal Ribbon from Baskin Robbins.

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES? Yup.

72. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT? Couple months ago. I need to start again.

73. DID YOU NOTICE THAT THERE WAS NO #64? There was too. Potatoe/Macaroni battle. Liar.

74. WHATS THE FASTEST YOU HAVE GONE IN A CAR? Like 120 with Adam. Scared the shit out of me.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS? Naw.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO? "With Me" by Sum 41. Looove it.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK? Lemonade.

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Dorene.

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? Eyes, smile, hair. Not necessarily in that order.

80. FAVORITE THOUGHT PROVOKING SONG? Um. I don't know.

81. FAVORITE THING TO HATE? I don't really hate anything.

82. FAVORITE MONTH OF THE YEAR? October.

83. FAVORITE ZODIAC SIGN? WTF.

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOR? Brown with blonde highlights.

86. EYE COLOR? Hazel.

89. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTURANT? Taco Bell.

90. YOU LIKE SUSHI? Gross.

91. LAST THING YOU WATCHED? CSI.

92. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? Um. No idea.

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS? Guitar, a little. I suck.

94. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT? A little of both, I suppose.

95. KISSES OR HUGS? Both.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS? Relationship, for sure.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT? A TV stand for my bedroom.

98. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU HAVE? Scion tC.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING? New Moon.

100. DESCRIBE YOUR LOVE LIFE: Non-existant.

video girl syndrome.

i was extremely bored. which is pretty obvious since i made a video about what was in my purse. i must admit, parts of this are kind of funny.

randomosity.

1) gossip girl season premiere starts in one hour and two minutes. THANK GOD.
2) playing madden on the wii makes your shoulder hurt. and your ankle, if you do your endzone dance too crazy.
3) don't clamp your hair straightener down on your ear. it hurts very badly. and the blister is really gross. ew.
4) orangecicle dream cupcakes from indulge in downtown puyallup are the best ever. they should be their own food group. the "omfg, these are so good but have so many calories they could kill me" group.
5) i still suck at the "honor roll". legit failure.
6) tomorrow night i am stalking kasey kahne. yes, stalking. if i get arrested, please be a dear and bail me out of jail.
7) friday is dress-up-like-a-redneck-and-find-a-hot-cowboy day. mhmmm. rodeo time, bay-bay.



ALSO, TODAY WOULD HAVE BEEN NANA'S BIRTHDAY. REST IN PEACE, NANA ... I MISS YOU MORE EVERYDAY.

life isn't suffocating, air isn't overrated.

i officially suck at keeping this updated. i was good at it for a while, but now i'm horrible. whatevs. i bet no one reads this but me, anyway.

work is going great. i've been getting nothing but praise from dorene, my trainer. and i was told that she doesn't hand out undeserved compliments, so that makes me feel really good. she forgot that i've only been with her for technically a little over two weeks ... she thought i was at about the six week mark. she told me that i'm at the six-week level ... that it's crazy how quickly i'm picking things up. that made me feel really good. :] she's the nicest woman ever, and she's pretty much my mother-figure at work. i had a horrible migraine yesterday and went home halfway through my shift. she called me last night and left me a voicemail because she was concerned ... "hey pumpkin, i just wanted to see how you were doing and i hope you're feeling better..." she's amazing. :]

madre is kicking ass on the paint circuit. she's way ahead of where she was last year, which means that she's probably going to get a shitload of awards at the end of the year. i'm so proud of her. :] she somehow talked john into letting her buy a new horse trailer, and she's getting a GORGEOUS three-horse logan with eleven foot living quarters. the hotel fees were just getting rediculous - if she hadn't been able to stay in her friend's motorhome at the last show, her hotel room would have cost her $1500.00. fricking insane. so now she'll be able to stay in the horse trailer.

i'm moving to puyallup sooner than i had thought. the lease on my current apartment isn't up until november, but i'm so sick of the commute - because of traffic, it took me almost an hour and a half to get home on friday. screw that. i found some awesome apartments that are literally three minutes from work. it's a gated community, and each apartment has it's own garage, which is awesome. i found a two bedroom, one bath apartment that's available on september 25th and if someone doesn't claim it in the next couple days, i'm going to take it. i don't really need a two bedroom place, but when it's 150 square feet bigger than the one bedroom and is only $60 more ... i can't pass that up. it's expensive - about $1000 a month - but that's okay. it's virtually crime-free (thank god i have the ability to look that up at work) and has a really good reputation in the community. so i'm just going to live in puyallup and still pay the last two month's rent on my place in olympia. ahhhhh, i'm so excited! i can't wait to live by myself, so close to work. :]

alright, i've got to get going. food is calling my name. and so is burn cream ... i tried to straighten my ear this morning instead of my hair. i clamped down on my ear, and have a giant blister. it hurts like a bitch, and it's really gross looking. yuck. anyways, paaayce.

by the way, here's what my hair ended up looking like when i chopped even more off:

i effing love it. :]

i suck at the honor roll.

this is my pathetic attempt at the "honor roll" ... which would be honor society's dance to their song "see u in the dark".

i'm pretty much as horrible at choreographed dancing as joe jonas is in camp rock ...

... which is really, really bad.

and every care you used to have just seems to float away.

i used to think that my long hair was who i am. that it made me. that it was the only good part about me.

now, all of a sudden, i don't give a shit.

i wanted a change. because change is good. right?

hair before:



and hair after:



this past week, i got the idea to chop all of my hair off and donate it to locks of love. i've had long hair for most of my life. except for one brief moment following graduation, and even then it was past my shoulders. so i've never really had short hair.

i'm not completely happy with the results, though. i like the shortness, just not the crappy job that the stylist at gene juarez did on it. the underneath layer is blunt and choppy, and just doesn't look very good.

but then i was messing around with it and tied only the longest layer in a ponytail and got this:



and i really actually like it. so i think in the next couple of days, i'm going to have my normal stylist cut it a little shorter into a modern bob.

hopefully she doesn't screw it up too. :/

i don't wanna fall asleep because i don't know if i'll get up.

so much for writing almost everyday. it's been nearly a week since my last post, and that was only a few pictures from texas.

but right now it's 1:37 in the morning, and i'm really not tired. i slept all afternoon because i had a headache so bad that it was making me nauceous. so right now i'm pretty much wide awake.

i started my new job this week, and it's going well. it's been pretty slow ... i haven't really even begun my training. wednesday, my first day, i had to take an online course on anatomy and psysiology and then the assistant manager gave me 89 addresses in puyallup and i had to find them all on a map. then on thursday and friday, i had to take the map with me and physically go find all 89 addresses and write down what landmark was at each. they were mainly schools and apartment complexes ... places where 911 calls frequently come from, i'm assuming. so for two days, i basically got paid $20 an hour to drive around the city. i'm glad i was able to do that, because i kind of actually know my way around now.

this week, i'm attending an emergency medical dispatcher (emd) class in kent, which is why i had to take the A&P course. so i'll be in class tuesday through friday, 8:30am to 5:00pm. since the commute would be about an hour each way because of traffic, the city offered to put me in a hotel for three nights. so that's pretty awesome. they're paying for all of my food, too. then on the 13th, i have to attend an "emotional survival" class - basically i'll learn how to deal with stressed out callers and how to not get too involved and too wrapped up in it.

i'm still not 100% sure what my schedule will be while i'm in training, but i'm pretty sure it's going to be 2:00am to 10:00am. which kind of stinks. but that's the one downfall to this career - you have to be ready to work any shift on any day. after my training is complete in several months, i could be working any schedule. but i have a feeling it's going to be graveyard.

yesterday christa and i went to the county fair to watch the championship day events. i hadn't been there more than twenty minutes before i was scooped up and asked to help out. so for most of the day, i was stuck in the arena doing ring steward duty ... telling the kids where to line up and telling the announcer what gaits to tell the kids to do over the PA system. it wasn't bad until it started getting hot, and now i have a funky sunburn on my neck and throat. haha.

then that night, i rode rides with the leavitts - drew, danae, katelyn, colton, benj and tyson - and richard and jennifer. i had a blast, although my stomach wasn't very happy with me when i went on the starship 3000 or whatever it's called. the spinny one. it's amazing how as a kid, i could go on every single ride and none of them would phase me - the starship ride used to be my favorite ride of all time and i would BEG my dad to let me go on it time after time after time. now, i can't do spinny rides. i get sick to my stomach. i can still do the upside-down rides, but if there's any kind of drop, it messes with my stomach. so after the starship experience, i let my stomach settle and bumper-car'd it up for a while. then i went back to the other rides. i deemed benj my official ride partner, and he rode the zipper with me like three times in a row.

i think the most fun we had last night was when we went on the giant slide. they had just lubricated it, and holy crap ... we freaking flew. i raced drew down it one time, though, and on the last little hump part, i went airborne. i came down really hard on the raised part in between each groove, and now my back and ass are pretty sore. but it was worth it. we also went on the kiddy coaster - the dragon one. man, that was funny. we got some pretty weird looks from people ... there were more adults on it than kids. but it was fun ... we had our arms up the whole time and were laughing like crazy. overall, the night was a blast. i love that family to death - they're more like my own family than just family friends.

alright, i think it's time to try and go to sleep. i have to clean my room tomorrow and do laundry. plus i have to go shopping and get clothes for class this week, plus i have to pack.

photos from the world show.

the photographer from the world championship show finally put the proofs up on his website, so here are some of the action shots from the show:

hunt seat equitation:

madre receiving her ribbon - fifth in the world:

horsemanship:

horsemanship:

inger in trail:

madre doing trail:

showmanship:

showmanship:

and last but not least, madre and kira after they were named reserve world champions in showmanship:

i can't help myself.

i'm officially insane.

i went shopping tonight and came home with $400 worth of makeup from MAC.

wtf.

i really need to work on my self-control.

and what's really depressing is that the lady forgot to get me mascara and eyeliner. which are two of the things that i actually did need. not $28.00 makeup brushes.

ugh.

slfkjsldfksf.

"LOL" moment of the day.

so i go to the store to buy two issues of the new rolling stone, and i hand them to the lady at the counter, and this is what goes down:

cashier: are you aware that you have two copies?
me: yes. i'm going to take the cover off one and put joe's hot body on my wall.
cashier: oh, that's nice. i thought they were for your daughter or something at first.
me: *laughs* do i look like i'm old enough to have a kid?
cashier: well, you don't look twelve. isn't that usually how old jonas brothers fans are?
me: *stops laughing*

silly lady. there are ancient JB fans, too.

and joe really does look insanely hot on the cover [center]:


mhmmm. ;]

it's gonna suck when the camera stops rolling.

this is what happens when andrea and i get bored.



i think this video pretty much speaks for itself, but i'll explain it anyways. my roommate, andrea, and i had just finished watching "camp rock", and we spent about fifteen minutes reeacting parts of it ... like joe's head turn and the cheesy "that's the song!" line. we finally decided to break out the video camera. roo howls when i mention ryan reynolds' sexy abdomen, i do a version of the "we rock" dance (which doesn't begin to compare to the dances we were doing before we started filming), and andrea and i make fun of the way nick jonas sings "red dress" in "burnin' up".

it's too late to apologize ...

to anyone who read this and was offended, i'm so incredibly sorry. it was only intended to be a private blog for myself and a couple of friends, but it got way out of hand. things were exaggerated, and people were dragged into this that shouldn't have been.

i'm sorry. i didn't mean to hurt anyone.

- E.

small talk on IM, just one-word sentences ...

this is the best IM convo in the history of mankind. niki might shank me for putting this on here, but i don't care. it was too funny not to share. i apologize in advance for all of the swearing.


Niki (7:23:38 PM): i'm on oceanup.
Erin (7:23:46 PM): anything good?
Niki (7:23:48 PM): and this girl is like, "Joe sweated on me. I petted his leg"
Niki (7:23:52 PM): wtf. she doesn't deserve to be a fan.
Erin (7:23:53 PM): HAHAHAHAHA!
Niki (7:24:07 PM): HOLY MOTHER FUCKING HELL
Niki (7:24:16 PM): fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Erin (7:24:16 PM): she needs to focus more in english class, that's what she needs to do.
Erin (7:24:20 PM): WHAT?????????
Niki (7:24:26 PM): fuck. joseph.
Niki (7:24:27 PM): oh.
Niki (7:24:28 PM): my
Niki (7:24:29 PM): god.
Niki (7:24:29 PM): shit.
Erin (7:24:30 PM): oh god.
Erin (7:24:34 PM): fuck.
Erin (7:24:35 PM): link?
Niki (7:24:46 PM): holy shit.
ATTENTION (7:24:48 PM): Transfer complete: holy mother fucking hell.jpg.
Erin (7:25:02 PM): oh shit.
Erin (7:25:04 PM): hellooooo.
Erin (7:25:06 PM): god.
Niki (7:25:10 PM): fuck.
Erin (7:25:10 PM): i think i just died a little.
Niki (7:25:16 PM): i think i need new underwear
Erin (7:25:24 PM): ditto!
Erin (7:25:26 PM): whew!
Niki (7:25:27 PM): shit.
Erin (7:25:29 PM): wow.
Niki (7:25:34 PM): oh my od.
Niki (7:25:35 PM): *god.
Erin (7:25:37 PM): treasure mother effing trailllllll.
Niki (7:25:48 PM): holy shit.
Niki (7:25:51 PM): i can't stop swearing.
Erin (7:26:01 PM): hello, turret's.
Erin (7:26:07 PM): or however the hell you spell it.
Niki (7:26:23 PM): yeah sure.
Niki (7:26:24 PM): holy shit.
Erin (7:26:41 PM): woww.
Erin (7:26:49 PM): i'm in love.
Erin (7:26:51 PM): <3
Niki (7:27:02 PM): holy
Niki (7:27:03 PM): fucking.
Niki (7:27:08 PM): i can't breathhhee
Erin (7:27:38 PM): i think i drooled a little bit.
Niki (7:27:54 PM): i slapped my mouth so hard my teeth hurt
Erin (7:28:16 PM): HAHAHAHAHA.
Niki (7:28:30 PM): i think that's my new sig.
Erin (7:28:38 PM): do itttttt.
Niki (7:28:54 PM): i can't stop staring.
Niki (7:29:38 PM): i can't think straight.
Erin (7:29:58 PM): hahahaha.
Erin (7:30:04 PM): breathe, niki, breathe.
Niki (7:30:08 PM): trying.
Niki (7:30:19 PM): you have no idea what this man does to me. legit. just his NAME gives me chills.


we were freaking out all because of this photo:



yeah, we acted like teenies. shut the hell up.

:]

don't wanna fall asleep.

a whole lot of nothing happened today. and right now i'm just searching for anything to do because i don't feel like going to bed.

today i worked. nothing big happening in the police cadet world.

then i came home and wrote. that's one thing that no one knows about me - that i write stories for JBF. the only people who know are the people online who read them. it's probably a secret that i'll take with me to the grave. but in all honesty, i LOVE to write. it's a nice distraction from everything else in my life.

and then i had dinner with christa, who i hadn't seen in like a week. which was too darn long.

yeah, such an exciting life i lead. :P

wouldn't it be nice if [i] stopped whining?

i spent today in hell.

i did traffic control for six hours straight. waving my arms around in the air the whole time.

it was like ninety degrees out, and i had a bulletproof vest and wool pants on.

i'm somewhat-sunburned (thank god for officer wilson, who brought me sunscreen), and i'm going to have the ugliest farmer's tan in history.

i think i sweated about five pounds off. not really. man, i wish.

i got yelled at, cussed at, flipped off, and almost got run over once.

my shoulders are already killing me.

UGH.

"LOL" moment of the day.

sergeant hutchings: school zone, or cross walk, or whatever your name is. come in here.
me: *walks into his office* yeah sarge?
hutch: say "10-4, 1009".
me: what? why?
hutch: just say it.
me: 10-4, 1009.
hutch: you're going to make a great dispatcher. 1136.
me: 1136?
hutch: you need to practice saying the time whenever you stop talking. that's all dispatchers do. 1137.
me: try saying "irish wristwatch" fast.
hutch: is that some kind of code word?
me: no, just try saying it. it's hard.
*hutch tries, but it comes out sounding like "irish wishwash"*
hutch: damn, that is hard. 1139.

it's a rollarcoaster ride we're on.

to anyone who asks how i'm doing, i tell them i'm the best i've been in a very long time. that's partially true. some things are great - i'm living in a great apartment with one of my friends, i start my new job as a 911 dispatcher in two weeks. but what i don't tell people is that a piece of me is still crumbling. that self-esteem and parental issues are still tearing me apart.

it's really difficult for me to open up to people and tell them how i feel. that's one reason why i started this blog - to give me a place to talk about my problems, so i don't have to keep them bottled up inside me.

my dad and my stepmom are on the verge of causing me to go insane. i've never liked barb. she's given me a billion reasons to hate her. my dad isn't the same person that he was when i was little, and it's because of her. she changed him. he has no backbone, and he doesn't know how to think for himself. she's so incredibly jealous of every female on the planet, and she accuses my dad of cheating on her when he would never in a million years do such a thing. she ripped my father away from me, and i went from being daddy's little girl to barely knowing who my changed father was. at fourteen years old i was depressed, medicated, in therapy, and fighting to keep my grades up in school.

a couple of months ago, barb and my dad got into a fight, and she punched him in the face. then she proceeded to practically shred him to pieces. THEN she told him that if he laid a hand on her, she'd call the cops. barb ended up moving out of the house, and i began to see my dad more often than i'd seen him in ten years. he admitted that she'd pretty much gone crazy, and that all he wanted to do was "sign the divorce papers and never have to see her ever again".

so imagine my surprise a few days ago when i'm driving back to my apartment from yelm, and my dad's truck passes me on the highway with none other than BARB in the passenger seat. my dad called me a few minutes later and told me that she had moved back into the house, and that they were "working things out".

i love my dad to death. all i want is for him to be happy. if he was happy with barb, then i wouldn't have a problem with them being together. but i KNOW he's not happy with her. he's always miserable and complaining to me about the most recent stupid thing she did or accusation she made. for god's sake, my dad spent thanksgiving alone two years ago because barb accused him of sleeping with a woman simply because my dad knew her first name. i KNOW that things aren't going to be different this time. she's not magically going to change. i just wish my dad wasn't so naive.

thank god i have a good relationship with my mom. she's pretty much like one of my best friends. when we're not living together, that is. too much mother-daughter time can go along way, and when we lived under the same roof, we practically had to do everything we could not to kill each other. but for about the last year or so, we've been great. i think i just had to grow up a little.

surprisingly, when my mom and i were in texas for the world show, we didn't fight. at all. it was amazing. usually at horse shows she's nervous, and i'm PMSing or something, and we bicker. but at worlds, we didn't fight once. i think the only times she got mad at me was when she had to be at the barn at 5:30am to ride her horse and i wanted to sleep in and drive rachel's rental car to the show grounds later on. i usually lost and ended up napping in a chair in front of the stalls. i think my mom was on cloud nine so much during that trip that she was too happy to get mad at me for anything.

maybe i should call it cloud ten. gosh, she did so incredibly well. i'll be honest. i never, ever thought that she would do that well at a world championship show. i mean, yeah, she was doing really well at the local shows, and she won practically everything there was to win last year. but come on ... the world championships? she was showing against rich bitches that rode horses that cost nearly $100,000. yes, that many zeroes. and they wore outfits that cost several thousand dollars to make. they rode in rhinestone accented saddles that cost over ten grand. it's insane. my mom's stuff is nice, but i never expected her to march into that arena with her $18,000 horse and $500 showmanship outfit and walk out as the reserve world champion. even now, two weeks later, it's still hard to believe that she did that well. and it wasn't as if it was a fluke or anything - she did well in her other classes, too. she made the finals in five events, and was fifth in the world in hunt seat equitation. but i just can't believe that my mom finished second in the world in showmanship.

i'm a bit jealous, i'll admit it. but i think regret tromps jealousy. more and more, i've found myself wishing that i'd never given up showing. i hate being at shows and not being able to actually show. i mean, i love helping my mom out and cheering her on, but i'd kill to be back in the show ring. i'm really kicking myself now because i quit showing while cici was still healthy and dusty was still alive. the only reason i stopped was because at the time, i was burned out. by the time i realized how much i wanted to show again, cici was diagnosed with a bone disease and dusty colicked and died unexpectedly.

so here i am, just jonesing to show again, and i have a horse that i can't keep sound. i don't know what to do. cici's navicular disease is so advanced, and it set on so quickly. i can't sell her. i love her too freaking much, and besides ... no one wants a lame horse. i can have her nerve-blocked. the vet can basically cut the nerves in her foot, so she'll be sound simply because she can't feel anything. but it's an expensive surgery, and it will only last about a year or two before she goes lame permanently. i know i'll have it done, but i want to wait until i know that i'll be able to show for a year or so. the last thing i want is to nerve her and then find out that i'm going to miss most of the shows due to work or something.

i don't want to be jealous of my mom. i really don't. but i can't help it. showmanship is mine and cici's best event. cici is honestly the greatest showmanship horse i've ever seen. we killed in that event. back-to-back state championships in 4-H and a state championship in high school competition. i'd kill to be able to take her to worlds to see how far we could go. this sounds horrible, but i KNOW i'm better at showmanship than my mom. i beat her whenever i showed against her at the regional shows, and although kira is almost as good as cici, i'm a better showman than my mom is. my movements are more sharp, more crisp. everyone always told me that i could win a world championship with cici. i'd kill to have the chance to try.

okay, i think it's time to shoo away the green-eyed monster that has invaded my mind and go to bed.

besides, it's time to end the novel that this post has turned into.

baby, we're just getting started.

it's pretty much been forever and a day since i last kept a blog. but so many things in my life are changing, and i think it's time for a fresh start. so i've decided to once again write down my thoughts.

there will be days that i'll most likely have nothing to say and i'll end up just writing down the most random and useless thoughts. and there will be days where i'll need to rant and rave, and everything single emotion that's going through my head will end up on this page.

so brace yourself. it's going to be a bumpy ride.